Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
People in love make me want to vomit
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
