I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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