I love black thongs
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
