I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
