I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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