I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
