he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
