Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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