CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
