I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Fuck me I smell like cheese
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
