There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
