let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The uberlube is also flammable
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
