My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
