I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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