oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
