someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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