dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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