i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
