i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Last time i carry you out of a forest
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
