i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
