big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
dude. I can hear the air.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
