already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize