You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
