When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
