Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
