dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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