can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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