Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
