fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
