Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
