I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
