whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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