I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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