I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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