I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
