When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dicks are not precious.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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