I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
