Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The uberlube is also flammable
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
