I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
