i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize