Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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