I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
