Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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