this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
