we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
