I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
