yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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