My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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