her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Less talking, more tequila
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
