My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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