This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
