Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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