Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
