Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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