im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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