I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
