But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My penis needs a shock collar
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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