omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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