If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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