I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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