break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
