farters have to be the big spoon...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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