I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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