You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
