U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
they need to just BURY HIM!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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