This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
