so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
