I wish my penis had an off switch
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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